Grandma, No More

So, my grandmother died yesterday morning.

After the hospital took off both of her legs, she just wasn't strong enough to continue living. She was on oxygen until her lungs failed. Apparently Montana is on the cutting edge of 19th century medical science by just hacking off whatever limb(s) are offending. That's not really a fair jab for me to make, being medically clueless, but at the moment I am making it nonetheless. Her death is not a surprise but it still leaves me shocked? empty? missing something.. I'm not sure what the right word would be. I found out by talking with my Mum right before going to church. It defiantly put a new spin to Mark's sermon on Jesus... it was very hard for me to keep it together near the end and I had the impulse to run out of there about every thirty seconds. Thank God I wasn't around anyone I know, they may have mistaken my reactions to being a Charismatic... except I held back on the wacky arm swinging... I think.

I have a real hit-and-miss prayer habit. I had to resort to actually writing the who's and what's down and kindof going through it like a 'to-do' list. It is bland and impersonal, but I do manage to cover my bases at least. Saturday night (morning) before I went to bed, I made sure to pray for Grandma. It was simple; I just asked God to save her. If 'save' meant to make her healthy, then great. If 'save' meant to tap her on the head in the spiritual version of Duck, Duck, Goose.. then even better. Thy will be done. I know she was raised Catholic, but 'raised' and being the 'elect' can be two very different things. I don't mean to sound flippant about the whole thing, nor cold and unfeeling. But I hope that I am realizing my limitations on the matter and God's over-arching soveignity. My most selfish thought would be to have my Grandma around and healthy forever, but that's not life, that's Heaven. And I hope I see her there someday.

I may have rambled. Forgive me.